Saturday, November 7, 2009

Sangria and pulp

I love Sangria. Let it be said here and now, I love Sangria. I like it red, white, pink. I do not care the type. I like it.

However, what I do not like is the pulp that inevitably finds its way into my glass. I do not like pulp in my glass. I do not like pulp in my ass. (Sorry it rhymed and I've been drinking some guess what? Sangria!) OK enough Dr. Seuss.

Dear God of Sangria (who may at one time have been known as Bacchus or Dionysus but is now recognized as my husband):

I revel in how you make my beloved drink. I love the fruit you put in it. I like your choices of wine and other various alcohols. I truly enjoy that special secret ingredient that gives it that little zap of flavor and effervescence. And I love you for the fact that you make this for me.

However, oh God of the Beloved Drink, my teeth are not strainers! Holy shit do I hate pulp. I go to get my drink on, my mouth all watering for the yumminess my tastebuds are about to savor and damn it! There it is. Little teeny weeny bits of citrus fruit that decide they want to take a trip out of the pitcher. They don't want to stop in the glass. No, apparently, the glass is not exciting enough. Do they think it's as boring as the kiddie pool in the amusement park? There's no kiddie piss in there. I swear there isn't.

No, these little bastards want to go on the super duper water slide that is my throat and splash down in the big deep pool that is my stomach. They want to go on a fun, albeit terrorizing, journey in the dark at super high speeds. Well you know what? Fucking no. No. No. No. Learn the word no. It's good for you. No.

But you know, now that I think about it, it's not just Sangria. It's any drink made from a citrus fruit that I can't stand when it has pulp. I hate orange juice with pulp. I like orange juice but not with pulp.

I liken it to a bad sexual experience. I liken it to the experience of going down on someone really hot and finding something that shouldn't be there. How ya like it now?

Thanks friends!

I want to thank Amy and Cracker for doing their best to try to help me with my boredom. Ms. Amy, I just finished the first book. I was giggling like crazy. Thanks so much!
xoxo