Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Fall of Customer Service

I have wanted to write about this for some time. But as luck would have it, I've been having more and more trouble with what seems to pass for customer service lately. You don't like the word service? Is that beneath you? I'm sorry. How about customer relations then? Because it seems like you just want to bend me over and fuck me sans lube anyway.

I'll give three examples of why I feel the world of service is going to shit. I could go on about this all day long but I'll stop myself at three. I wouldn't want to either bore you all or make you pee your pants at work. That would be embarrassing.

Example 1 - I went to a popular restaurant here in the land of hell. My friend and I wait for what I believe is almost 20 minutes before we get a menu. We order two drinks. I ask for a diet soda and my friend asks for an iced chai tea. Now, there are many ways of making chai tea. Let's focus on the iced part rather then the recipe of the drink shall we? Iced implies cold. Correct? Well, not in this particular twilight zone. Here, iced means very warm. My friend is not happy that she was given a drink that feels like it's been sitting around too long. So I urge my friend to request that the drink actually be iced- i.e. made colder. The waiter came back to us and said that the manager said, "That's how it's made". She tells him she's been in this establishment several times and its never been made like this and she wants it how she usually gets it. The waiter walks off and comes back and again says "The manager said that's how we make it". I say, "Fuck this. We're leaving". Are you fucking kidding me? A customer asks for a drink to be made differently because a- that's how she normally gets it IN YOUR RESTAURANT and b- because that is the correct way to make it. And as a manager you tell her no? How fucking hard is it to pour it over some more ice? Unbelievable. I mean she wants it colder. She's not asking for a gold nugget in the bottom of her cup. Oh and thanks so much for not only telling her too bad, but for not caring about how long we waited to try to eat in your lovely place. How about, "I'm so sorry you've had a bad experience. It's not normally like this here." Asshole.

Example 2- I buy something online shortly before Christmas. After checking the tracking information I was given, I find that the item was not shipped until several days after Christmas. I write to the seller and tell him that I am upset that it took 4 days just to print shipping information and that if Christmas was going to interfere with shipping, he should have made that clear. I will now have to wait 2 weeks for the item from the day I ordered it. He replies and tells me that Christmas Eve is a holiday because the shipping service he uses wouldn't pick up packages that day and I should know that because I sell things online too. (Are you kidding?) He uses all capitals to express that to either yell at me or for emphasis on what an idiot he thinks I am. Or both. (It's both. See my caps in the above example.) He goes on to tell me that he managed to get other packages out because they paid before I did. And, I should not complain because he shipped said package within 3 business days as he states is the usual handling time for his items. I reply tearing him new asshole. But my basic point was that as someone who does sell things, I would never imply that other customers are more important because they paid first. I go on to tell him that when I know there is a holiday coming up that will interfere with shipping, I make sure all items that are paid for are shipped immediately. I would never fucking talk like that to a customer unless they were completely out of control. I am completely justified in my complaint about shipping both as a customer and as a seller. How fucking dare you talk like that to me?! How about, "Sorry. Things are crazy here with the holidays and all. Can I give you free shipping or a discount on your next purchase"? That is what good customer service is. Again, asshole.

Example 3- I drop my laundry off to be done. I have been using the same service weekly for roughly two years. I just tipped them pretty well for Christmas. I get the laundry back and I have some holes in a brand new shirt. This is the third time this has happened there. I didn't complain about the other two times because the items were old and I really didn't care. However, I got to wear this particular shirt once. So DH goes to talk to them and their basic attitude is too bad. I become infuriated and go in. I am nice at first and tell the woman I usually deal with that this isn't the first time it's happened. We are loyal customers and the least you could do is give us a credit. (Mind you, we're talking about a $10 shirt. We're not asking for free service for a year.) She says, "I do your laundry. No one else does it. How do I know it didn't come in like that?" So I say, "If it came in like that, you would have seen it and you should have said something when it was picked up. You're telling me you're not even going to give us a credit for this?" "No." "Then you just lost loyal customers". Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't tell me there were holes in the shirt because there were no fucking holes in it when I dropped it off. In this economy you're going to tell customers to piss off? Oh and after some calculations, we realize that we've been charged 7 cents more a pound then the advertised price, probably since we've been bringing our laundry there.

Now I'm especially pissed off about example 3. Using some self-psychoanalysis, I think I've figured out what bothers me most of all about this. I value honesty very highly. I don't steal and do my best to do the right thing by people, even when I think some of those people should be lit on fire. But I digress. What bothers me about this is that I feel I wasn't valued as a customer who does the right thing by people (i.e. tipping for the holidays, spreading the word when I feel businesses are excellent). I feel I was looked at as a degenerate just trying to get over, a liar, someone who would really piss me off. I'd like to believe I'm not like that and I'm pissed that someone may be looking at me in that way.

These are just 3 examples of why I believe any industry involving any type of service has gone to shit. You don't treat customers like they're worthless to you. Repeat business is vital. Don't get me started on this economy and why so many businesses are going under because of it. But I will say, there are a lot of people out there in business for themselves that have no business managing anything. They don't have the slightest idea how to treat people. I guess that explains why they can't work for someone else either. They'd never last in a job where they'd actually have to respect a boss or co-workers they see on a daily basis.

I think I'm going to open a laundromat. I mean shit. I don't have to use my brain. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I'll get rich by ripping customers off! And I'd be so well off that I can treat customers however the hell I want. There are a lot of people I'd like to tell to go fuck themselves. That sounds like the perfect job for me!